I’m still not used to this blogging thing. I don’t normally blog so it’s a bit weird having to type my feelings for the world to see but whatever. Trust the process.
I chose the picture of the crying baby with the tear because that is exactly how I feel. In our lesson this week, I remembered someone saying, “to control your thoughts starts with controlling your feelings”. I understand all the reading and writing and affirmations we do daily, 3x a day, 30 times a day, is the formula for resetting our subby into believing what we tell it to believe, but how do you get out of being just straight lazy? Is that my subby running my body?
Last week, I was excited to do this class, not feeling overwhelmed because I have taken college courses before and I am very grateful to Mark and Davene for letting us know this process is “like a college course” so that really put things in perspective for me. However, I procrastinated a lot in my college classes. I got my Master’s degree by bullshitting half my courses. You really can’t do that in this class because the only person I am hurting is myself. Quitting is NOT an option for me and I will ride this course out all the way til March, but whether or not I will be able to control subby is up to the person I am striving to be.
Revising my DMP this week couldn’t have been more difficult than ever. I thought it was going to be a breeze, but I am struggling to see the vision. I beat myself up knowing that I can’t see the vision because I am not doing the work in the way I am supposed to do the work, so then I beat myself up again then give into my unhealthy cravings to sugar. Getting out of this vicious cycle is a struggle. And then I hate saying things are hard, or overwhelming because then I make that my reality, but then I say things I don’t truly feel are real; so, I haven’t convinced my “body” to believe otherwise. Oh man… 24 more weeks to go……