So, this is what I have so far:
My unconscious mind is totally focused on keeping me safe. Part of that approach is that it wants to keep my behaviour in the future exactly the same as it was in the past because, after all, that worked. I have survived so far! That explains why habits can be so difficult to break using willpower. I’m fighting against my unconscious-and the unconscious wins.
Add to that, the unconscious is completely non-judgemental, and you have a great recipe for staying the same, whether or not a particular habit is good for my health/finances/relationships/whatever. Explains why I pick up a coffee and croissant every morning even though I want to eat healthy.
What I realised on yesterday’s session is that my unconscious doesn’t give a toss about the content of my behaviours. It/he is just as chuffed that I repeat an insignificant behaviour as he is a behaviour with far-reaching effects. He gets the same return when I pick up a croissant as he does when I limit my income. This was a major “f**k me “moment last night.
Another aspect of how our thinking works is that memory and imagination are identical to the unconscious mind. I have clients/friends/sons who have described events that I know did not happen that way-because I was there. However, because they imagine those events so many times and tell others so many times, when they describe them, it comes across as real to anybody listening.
What struck me last night (and forgive me if you guys were already there) is that part of what we are doing in MKE is not only building new habits but (much more importantly) building a process of building habits We’re harnessing the power of imagining a new behaviour and repeating it to educate the unconscious mind, so it goes “oh, ok we always keep our promises, fair enough”.
That’s why our dharma, our bridge needs to be so detailed that it conjures up a crystal-clear picture of the behaviour we want to repeat, to have the life we want. And why we need to repeat it.
So, the same process that we’ve always used but the big (huge) difference now is that I get to choose how I want to live rather than absorbing the well-meaning but inaccurate thoughts/suggestions/commands of parents/teachers/managers and so on.
What do you guys think?
Is this how you see it?
Love this blog, Alan……….great insight and you are doing the work!
“I get to choose,” How does that feel? Through the habits you will find the answer to that statement. Thank you.
Wow, Allan, I love how you have explained and put this together. You statement “building a process of building habits” is brilliant for me. Once we understand the pattern and how it works, we have the key for life. thank you !
I love this perspective, Allan. That is spot on!
I wish I read this yesterday, very powerful, “MKE is not only building new habits but (much more importantly) building a process of building habits. We’re harnessing the power of imagining a new behavior and repeating it to educate the unconscious mind, so it goes “oh, ok we always keep our promises, fair enough”. 😍
Your point about “I have survived so far!” is really important. I am thankful my subconscious has helped me survive and I give myself grace as I show it how I can create safety in my new habits.
Allan,
What more can I add…”we are doing in MKE is not only building new habits but (much more importantly) building a process of building habits”
Very powerful statement in the middle of your blog. More to come, it’s only Week 3.
You’ve got it, Allan! Keep embracing the process. Enjoy the journey and the destination.