The last week I have been up and down like a yo yo. One day feeling great, noticing a real tangible shift in myself and seeing it reflected in everything around me. Happy people, sun shining, everything going right. The next day, or night, not being able to sleep, feeling sorry for myself, feeling disconnected with no faith, lonely and like a big failure. Impostor syndrome. I know deep in my heart that I have God given talents. I am an excellent artist, I am a Star singer, I am a great speaker and I have helped hundreds of clients to magically transform their lives. I have had lots of success and experienced so many miracles. Yet, here I am with an aching heart. Feeling incapacitated, alone, afraid, small and hopeless. And I need to start magnetizing some funds. Like now.
I was dead tired yesterday as I went to Örebro for my weekly lindyhop class. Once I got there I learned it had been canceled, but I was invited to partake in a higher level class. It was a blast, so much fun, yet, as I was on the bus to return home, late evening, I felt so sad and so tired.
I feel like I am not a part of society, like I have dropped down from a spaceship in a strange place where most other beings belong and feel at home, but not me. I have had this feeling before. A long time ago. I thought I had seen through this illusion, like I broke the code once and for all. I have been happy and felt good about things for a long time now. It surprises to feel so disconnected from everyone again. It scares me. Afraid that I won’t be able to sleep and that I will be tired tomorrow, I pray that I find a way to just relax and sleep well.
Just do it.