The Hero’s Journey hit really close to home for me.
I have always been really good at cheering others on more than myself. I am realizing that I have allowed the issues of the past to inform my inner self of who I really am.
The relationships I have had with others, even from childhood, have been fraught with self doubt and grim acceptance of others’ opinions and definitions of me.
When Mark taught on permission, a door swung open for me. I began to realize that I have never given myself permission to decide who I am.
Even in my 20s my aunt decided that I had married someone who didn’t fit into the family. After discussing this repeatedly with other family members behind our backs, she took it upon herself to craft a letter with everything they had been talking about and made copies to send out to the whole family. I was the last one to get it.
I had been getting phone calls from family members stating how good the letter was and that I needed to “take it to heart”. When I finally got my letter, my 2nd child was a mere 5 days old and I was severely sleep deprived. The letter was shocking, full of lies and misunderstandings. Although I disagreed vehemently with the letter, I took on the opinions of others and carried them in shame.
When I was a young mother working in a Physical Therapy office part time, I took my job very seriously and put my heart and soul into caring for my patients. I had been the Director of the Growing Department for awhile but I couldn’t keep up with the demands along with homeschooling my 4 children.
They hired another Director, but she was a terrible fit. The second person they hired seemed to have it out for me from the beginning. She had others spy on me and she threatened to fire me on multiple occasions based on what others told her. She maligned my character and shamed me in meetings.
I held on because I wanted to keep another role I had with the same company. It was 7 years of assault on who I am, and I just took it all in. I learned a lot, but I left deeply wounded and scarred by her treatment.
My children grew and I let them go the public school system which I have since found out turned them against us emotionally. They eventually left the home and went out on their own.
During the massive changes in our political climate ensued over the last few years, they decided that I was their enemy #1 and a couple of them set out to malign my character and who I was as the mother who raised them. (They had a good childhood).
This was very difficult and devastating to be accused of things I had never done. I was cut off because I didn’t agree with them and their views which they adopted from the world around them. This has since gotten much better, but it took another huge toll on my self-worth.
I think this is why I needed this class so much. I look fine on the outside but I have been beaten down and trampled on emotionally for so many years that I didn’t know who I was anymore. I thank God that He is the One who truly defines who I am and He gave me a wonderful husband who loves me so well.
I am so thankful for MKE because I now have permission to be the person I have always know that I am. I am learning to separate myself from who others say I am and to live happy in my own skin.
I am whole perfect, strong, powerful, loving, harmonious and happy.
Teresa, in his powerful masterpiece on the levels of consciousness, “Power vs Force,” David Hawking (no relation to Stephen) on a scale of 1 to 1000, rated shame as the lowest at 20. 200 is the break even point between lower and higher consciousness. The fact that you have been able to pull yourself up from that, speaks volumes about your character! You’re just a cute little Cinderella, aren’t you?! 🙂
Thank you for your kind and loving feed back. I appreciate you so much!
Thank you Teresa for your vulnerability and sharing parts of your Hero’s Journey with us. So thrilled for you that you chose to give yourself permission to be your authentic self and embrace the magnificent creation that you are. Letting go (sacrificing) others opinions of us or their approval is a sure sign of growth and a path to peace of mind knowing you are the only thinker of your thoughts, which become your beliefs. Keep shining your authentic light Teresa!! It is clear you are indeed “whole perfect, strong, powerful, loving, harmonious and happy”. Cheering you on as you continue to embrace your unique Hero’s Journey and like you said live happy in your own skin.