Grieving of my old self is real. A familiar friend. Subby has been strong in self preserving her over the last ½ century. Am I ready for the hero’s journey and for God to enlarge my territory as in the prayer of Jabez?
In recent memory I have not been happier than I am now. Outside circumstances have not changed, relationships in my life are still as to be expected and this has left me to believe that there can be no other cause for this except how my personal perspective has greatly been influenced by this master key class.
My subby must be singing a different tune and I have no other choice than to believe its song.
I noticed this in dramatic fashion when I went out to lunch with an old acquaintance from childhood. We see each other every 5 to 8 years or so and everytime the way I have approached the encounter was from feelings of inferiority.
She was always popular, well dressed, beautiful, thin, and well off. This last time it was different. I felt an empowerment I had never felt before. I have all these qualities and more. I was an asset to her and a blessing in so many ways.
I felt love pouring out to her from me with so much more to give. Although she was grateful for my kindness, she seemed to be oppressed by an incomprehensible weight in her mind.
The most amazing thing I noticed was that the dichotomy of our perspectives was like night and day. I asked her if I could pray for her because of her pain from a knee surgery and she said she did not want me to bring up Jesus.
I also brought up natural products that I know have helped people recover from surgeries and she didn’t want to take anything that was not prescribed by a doctor. So I proceeded to tell her that her light was still in her and she still had much to contribute to the world.
She cried and said she didn’t know where that spark inside of her went. She also shared that she has had bad thoughts. The most miraculous thing is we probably would have never gotten to her vulnerability if I hadn’t been as confident with myself as I was. This was a revelation to me.
The world needs me and I do make this place a better place to be and best of all, I see their God given gifts as well. I plan to keep loving her and helping her as best I can.
I pray that I am ready to let go of those things that aren’t serving me and helping me become the best version of myself. I am enthusiastically ready to face the present and the future.