In the last two weeks I recommitted to the process. Committed to continuing to move forward and proceeding in the Hero’s Journey. Had a topsy turvy week with unexpected things showing up and instead of going right I was going left. However, it was interesting to keep moving forward.
I listen to others and their negativity and seem to be disconnected on what is going on. Not engaged in what they are saying and almost not understanding the negativity. Strange feeling being disconnected from this. At times falling into old patterns but they don’t feel like the old comfortable shoe that I am used to. Laughing more, understanding more, letting things go more, finding beauty in things that are simple. Wondering why these old patterns are so important. Listening more, experiencing life more and being present. Setting new patterns.
When someone dies, you go through the four stages: denial, anger, grief and acceptance. I know I am grieving the person I was and feeling sad at times about it. Scared of what is to come. Speaking with my best friend who reminds me how far I have come, how I handle things differently and to let things go that I am holding to. Talking with her and looking at ways to overcome some behaviours which do not serve. Still in the Abyss? Maybe. Not sure I understand all of this process. Feel like I am somehow missing pieces of the puzzle. Seeing others doing so well and being successful with the process brings so much joy. Watching people being in the program so successful (emotionally, physically, mentally and financially) in the process is revitalising. Maybe “behind” but have not given up and knowing what is possible is so worth it. So happy to know what is coming. My future is worth it.