Oh what a week it has been. Monday I crashed after a lot of intense work the last few weeks and on top of that realizing the amount of extra work that the MKE added to my life. Commitment. OMG.
On my white board on the kitchen wall I wrote RADICAL REINVENTION about a week ago and I have been asking myself what it would entail.
Naturally the words have brought a lot of change. Radical change. Chaos.
I asked for it.
I am actually amazed that I have been doing the reading commitments every day. It is getting easier, but I have not been able to find a good rhythm yet which irritates me.
I got angry at myself today, feeling that I have become boring and old. Angry because I was afraid. Angry at any trace of procrastination.
At the same time I am proud of myself for being able to cope with all the work that has come my way lately. I have taken on a lot more responsibility the last few weeks. A lot of community work and I was thinking that I was doing well and had it all under control when last minute I got an unexpected new booking with Airbnb over the weekend.
I already had a big event over the weekend that I have worked with for a few months. I had invited an artist and an artisan to come and exhibit their work here at our farm. I felt I was well prepared for the task and that I had plenty of time. Suddenly the situation changed as I did not have access to my home since my new guests stayed there and I could not prepare the way I had wanted too. I told myself that I liked the challenge. After days of not getting enough sleep and just had too much to do, everything somehow worked out really nicely anyway.
The team of organizers and I have summarized during the week and the conclusion from everyone I have talked to in our community is that it was even better than we had expected. The weather was GREAT. Sunny and warm at a time of the year when it is usually gray and cloudy. What can I say? It actually was awesome – and it is OK to crash under such a big burden.
As I went to my LindyHop dance class on Wednesday evening I got an awesome sign from the Universe: a victorious double rainbow saying, you are on the right path and you are doing GREAT.
I smiled and felt a big YES in my heart.