A while ago, my guide instructed me to write a thirty to sixty-word biography for my blog. I did not want to do this and just ignored it. Last weekend I was reminded to get my bio written and in. At first, I ignored it for a day or two. Then Sunday night, when I was getting ready for work, I started thinking about it. I was not thinking about writing my bio. I was thinking about how much I didn’t want to write it. I was shaving while thinking about this and took a chunk of skin off my chin. The bleeding did not improve my mood at the time. Once I stopped the bleeding and was ready for work, my mood improved. Then I started to wonder why I was so against writing my bio.
My first thought was there was nothing to write. Then I thought of something and realized that it sounded pathetic. So that was a no-go. During the night at work, I considered my reluctance. I still needed to come up with the answer. Then I realized it was either fear or lack of confidence. A combination of the two, or they are the same thing. I don’t want to put anything out there because I don’t feel I have anything to offer, so I don’t want to put anything out that is not good.
I know now this is why I do not go into the alliances, don’t post on social media, and was uncomfortable writing the blogs. I had to do the blogs, so I got them done. Always hoping no one would read them.
I know that MKE is a safe and supportive community. I also know that I need to address this issue of mine. I would not have thought about this issue if I was not in MKE. So, what do I do? I’ll write my bio later. First, I’ll go into the alliances, make some comments, and discover that it’s okay. Get comfortable and build up to going in the alliances every day. Writing this makes me uncomfortable just thinking about leaving comments daily.
I’ll fight through it and improve and progress. It will not feel comfortable, but it will be worth the struggle.
Right now, I still hope no one reads my blog. I’ll get over that too.