When I was 21 I had a really scary experience that really shook me up. For years afterwards I was really lost. It felt like I had become a new person almost, as if someone replaced may old soul with a new one, and I just kept the shell.
It is now years later. Tonight I was talking with a friend about the awe inspiring moments in our lives that live within us to be called upon at any moment. That we use to aid us in feeling connected to something greater.
In that moment I realized that I had blocked off those moments I had as younger me. Older me has been acting as though I had to start anew at 21 and I had been living with a scarcity mindset because of it.
As I learn to integrate these two parts of me I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the many lessons I have learned and experiences I have enjoyed in my youth. Younger me is so grateful for older me’s wisdom and status in life. Older me is so grateful for the soul and safety of younger me.
I am even learning that there might be even cuter little and littler mes that also want to join the party. With each version of me there is an accompanying difficult milestone and set of unearthed wonders and delights.
Putting them all together feels peaceful and astonishing, wild and familiar. I am so grateful to have the time, wisdom, support, and energy to devote to connecting with all these lost little wonderful parts. I am brave, curious, awed, AND responsible in a world that is colorful, adventure-filled, safe, and kind.
It sounds wonderful and delightful that you are becoming reacquainted with some younger facets of yourself, Aschel! Enjoy the reintegration and moving forward!
I love this post, Aschel, and it reminds me of a quote: “The ghosts of all the women you used to be are proud of the woman you’ve become.”
As Einstein pointed out, Aschel, either everything is a miracle or nothing is. Welcome to the wonder and excitement of the former! 🙂